'Twas the year in Utah politics

Twas the year in Utah politics, and all through the state,
Public officials were busy deciding our fate.

The governor warned of social media's curse,
How it's making our politics bitter and worse.
With a book deal secured and whispers of '28,
Some wonder if Spencer has his eyes on a presidential fate.

And speaking of Cox, when the drought got severe,
He called for prayer and fasting throughout the year.
Why regulate lawns or restrict water rights?
Just pray for some rain—that should fix our plight!

No need for hard choices or conservation plans,
No limits on golf courses or development stands.
Just bow your heads low and hope God complies,
While the Great Salt Lake continues to dry.

When out on the floor there arose such a clatter,
HB267 passed—unions said, "This matters!"
They gathered their signatures, ready to fight,
Till lawmakers retreated in December's cold night.

The legislature embraced MAHA with pride,
Banning fluoride in water, science cast aside.
RFK Jr. would be proud of this choice,
As dental health experts lost their voice.

Meanwhile, Trevor Lee continued his culture war crusade
Banning Pride flags wherever they're displayed.
In classrooms and buildings, no rainbows allowed,
The ban was for "neutrality" (or so he avowed).

Salt Lake City found a loophole with glee,
Made Pride, Trans, and Juneteenth flags official, you see!
Gov. Cox called the fight "dumb," said it cast a cloud
There are more important things to worry about, for crying out loud.

And Sundance Film Festival? They're leaving for good,
After 2026, they're gone from the neighborhood.

Years of anti-LGBTQ+ laws took their toll,
The Pride flag ban? That was the final roll.
Forty years in Park City, now heading away,
Utah's culture wars drove Sundance astray.

But the biggest battle of all? The maps, let me say,
Where courts and the legislature clashed all the way.

In August, the legislature's gerrymandering began to unravel
After Judge Gibson struck down the maps with her gavel,
"Draw new lines," said the judge, "and this time make them fair!"
So lawmakers drew "Option C" with partisan care.

They submitted their map with confidence and pride,
But the court saw through what they tried to hide.
"You used partisan data!" the ruling came down,
The legislature's new map? Rejected, struck down.

Gibson instead chose the plaintiffs' design,
A D+14 district—Democrats aligned!
Salt Lake County united, a true blue seat,
And Republicans threatened impeachment in defeat!

A Democratic seat, such a rare thing
A legion of candidates jumped into the ring
Riebe, McAdams, and Blouin quickly jumped into the fray
While Kitchen, and Lopez Chavez, and others joined the electoral speedway.

But Republicans weren't finished, oh no, not quite yet,
They launched their own signature drive, their biggest bet:
Repeal Proposition 4, an effort to remove
Utah's anti-gerrymandering law that voters previously approved.

So the maps remain tangled in appeals and in court,
While candidates campaign and make their retort.
Will the D+14 district stand come '26?
Or will Utah Republicans have one more trick to fix?

Now, let's talk about Utah's congressional crew,
Oh my, what a year of shenanigans they flew!

Senator Lee was quite busy online,
Shitposting away, crossing every line.
He mocked murdered Democrats—then had to delete,
After days of outrage, made his retreat.

He fell for fake news (the Fed chair's resignation!),
Proposed selling public lands across the nation.
Backed down from that too when Utahns got mad,
Then pivoted to NATO—said membership's bad!

"Make Elon the Speaker!" Mike Lee declared,
"Or maybe Vivek!"—as if anyone cared.
And non-citizens voting? He claimed without proof,
Using that fiction to change election truth.

MMeanwhile,Burgess Owens, bankrupt five times through,
Told struggling students: "Get a second job, too!"
The irony lost on our congressman dear,
Who lectures on finances while his own weren't clear.

Senator John Curtis channeled parents scolding their kids,
Defending Trump's chaos, whatever he did.
"The American people said 'stop the car!'"
(Though apparently chaos is how you go far.)

Campaign finance violations, ethics complaints galore,
Backroom deals and influence by the score.
But this poem's already running quite long,
And honestly? Keeping track is exhausting—I'm not that strong.

Merry Christmas to all Utah politicos tonight,
For all our sakes, may your decisions in 2026 shine bright! 🎄